LIVE BLOG: 63RD ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBES
20:00 E!, being true to form, cut straight from the end of the broadcast to something called World's Sexiest Couples (which, unfortunately opens with an out of date look at Katy Perry and Russell Brand), and I take that as my cue to go to bed (finally!). Thanks for joining us for it, or more likely, reading this at a later date at a more reasonable hour.
19:58 Oh, that's it apparently. Although Gervais tried to get a final dig in with that goodie bags announcement you did get the impression that he was very much being kept on a leash. Probably a good thing.
19:55 The Descendants wins best drama. Which might be fair enough but it's not out here until the end of the month. It looks like a very 'Alexander Payne'-film though.
Now comes the uncomfortable moment when I reveal that I thought that Sideways wasn't actually that good.
I did like Election if that helps.
19:54 Oh, and Chris Tucker is still a thing, apparently.
19:49 He's doing his usual charming thing in the speech, which is fair enough really.
As things will be wrapping up soon (although not after another advert break) lets have a look back at what we've learnt this evening.
Ricky Gervais can actually be bearable in small doses
The schedulers at E! are unbelievably incompetent. And their regular line-up of shows, that they seemed so keen to ram down our throats, looks like it's completely unbearable.
Meryl Streep's probably very nice, and probably likes a bit of a drink.
I probably shouldn't stay up writing past 3 am.
19:48 George Clooney wins best actor (drama). Thus proving that the Globes are very easy to predict.
19:46 This might be the last extended advert break on E! of the night. *gets a bit emotional*
19:40 Was that Jane Fonda? I wasn't really paying attention.
Anyway, The Artist wins best comedy. Absolutely nobody is surprised. I really hope that this film's going to live up to all the hype when I finally get the chance to see it.
Oh, they brought the dog from the film on. Can't beat a performing dog really can you? (In fact The Globes should really consider changing their ceremony to an 'all dogs, all the time' affair next year).
19:33 We're entering the final stretch of the Globes (as Gervais has just acknowledged). Which means that I've just had my last switch over with Juan. Probably just as well as it's half three in the morning and I'm already tripping on cold medicine. While I was predicting that Gervais would have a David Icke moment to be honest it's more likely that I'll have one before the show is out.
Oh, and Meryl Streep just won best actress. Which was fairly inevitable. Like Michelle Williams she was very much the best thing about a fairly terrible film (I'm hoping that Williams will win at the Oscars, but it's not very likely really is it).
And E! have now bleeped out a fair chunk of her speech. This is just getting ridiculous now.
19:28 Jean Dujardin's win only proves that The Artist will be a hard beat at the Oscars.
19:26 Marky Mark presenting as stoic and apathetic as ever like a boring executive producer. Come on Mark, feel the vibration!
19:21 Dustin Hoffman states, "there will be blood" in the advert for new series Luck. Badass! Just for that, he's probably winning next year's Golden Globes for Best Actor.
19:18 Modern Family wins again. The cast is accepting the award in both Spanish and English. For someone who knows both languages, they would've been more clever with the speech. Where's the subtext?
19:13 Time to honor the best director. Scorcese for the win - his work in Hugo is simply masterful. Not my favorite picture of the year, but the direction is flawless.
19:09 Unfortunately, the Golden Globes occurrence that's stuck in my head most so far is the constant annoyance of Madonna. I'm so glad I haven't given her a cent in my life.
19:03 Morgan Freeman, all teary-eyed, stepping on the stage while the orchestra plays the Driving Miss Daisy score. Quite adorable.
18:56 Sidney Poitier looks damn good for his age, and also frighteningly intense.
His appearance means that it's lifetime achievement award time, will Pia Zadora manage to rush the stage in time to claim the award? (To be honest, judging by the length of Poitier's pre-amble, yes, she probably will have enough time).
18:52 E! has just run an advert for a show called After Lately (tagline: Bullying is wrong, unless it's funny) that looks like the end of western civilisation.
18:49 Twitter suggests that that was Chris Tucker giving Octavia Spencer a (literal) shout out on her name being announced. I suppose he has to get himself on TV somehow.
18:47 Octavia Spencer wins best supporting actress for The Help. Which is fair enough as she was pretty good in it. Shame that the film itself was the most cloying, woolly look at racism imaginable.
18:44 What's going on with all the bleeping this evening.
Matt Le Blanc wins best TV comedy actor for Episodes. Booo! I'm still partial to a bit of Friends but Episodes was such a disaster that it even made Joey (the series, not the character) look good.
Le Blanc also wins the prize for the most overly-orange celeb of the night (so far).
18:42 Emily Blunt is also looking very orange. Green is officially no longer the colour of the evening.
Still, at least we get some Bridesmaids clips out of it, I'm a a little bit ashamed to admit it but I really did love that film.
18:39 I have heard Lady Gaga's Edge of Glory so many times this evening that it might set off some Clockwork Orange-style Pavlovian response the next time I hear it.
Not only are E! incompetent but apparently they're also trying to brainwash us.
18:35 Dustin Hoffman is on presenting best TV actress. He seems a bit worse for wear, but then he always does.
Claire Danes wins. Again, no great surprise, again I haven't seen her performance.
To be honest, to me she'll always be Angela Chase.
18:33 A Separation wins best foreign language film and no-one is surprised (even Juan and I managed to predict it). I still haven't seen it though so it might actually be rubbish (it probably isn't though).
18:31 It's Mark again. And it's also Madonna again. She seems to think that she's getting in a few digs at Gervais but really none of these comments make any sense if you stop to think about them.
18:23 Woody Allen wins and, of course, doesn't attend. Let me guess - is he filming elsewhere?
18:20 Gosh, even Ewan McGregor is tanned! I also just noticed his teeth look fixed...since when? He didn't look like this in Trainspotting; i'm so absent-minded.
18:16 Ugh, Tintin wins over Rango. Now that I can't agree with!
18:12 They're showing a clip from the film Moneyball, which I actually understood considering I do follow American baseball. Also, Aaron Sorkin writes more than half of all American films.
18:08 Sarah Michelle Gellar comes back from the, um, dead. And oh, Peter Dinklage wins! Talk about AMAZING!
18:00 Michelle Williams accepts award, sounding humble, nervous and affable. She's apparently the only one who cares about her win.
18::00 A very orange Brad Pitt talks about The Ides of March, and I use it as an opportunity to hand you back over to Juan.
17:57 Apparently Debra Messing still has a career. Good for her.
Idris Elba wins best Actor in a TV miniseries for Luther. Something which neither Juan nor I predicted, but I doubt that either of us would have a problem with this.
Everybody likes Idris Elba (although his attempt to launch himself as an R&B singer was a bit embarrassing wasn't it).
17:53 Advert for the Kardishians pops up for the twentieth time at least. Who are these women? Why should I care about them? Honestly they make the Golden Globes actually look like worthwhile meaningful entertainment.
But never mind as there's now a 'Behind the scenes' look at The Muppets. I am ridiculously excited about this film, and still bitter about having to wait three months for it to be released over here.
17:51 Madonna wins the prize for most boring speech of the night (so far), Elton John is notably the first nominee to not even bother looking remotely democratic about it. I'm guessing that they've had a bit of a falling out recently (or are due one).
17:50 Oh, it didn't. Instead Madonna did. She now has two Golden Globes, which doesn't really bear thinking about does it.
17:48 That was a very 'French' acceptance speech. Kim Novak is no doubt quietly fuming to herself at home about the whole thing.
Loud cheer greeting the announcement of The Living Proof in the Original Song nominations suggest that it's won.
17:45 Jimmy Fallon (ugh) and Adam Levine (double ugh) currently making fools of themselves. Not sure what this has to do with best original score. Which was won by The Artist BTW (again I wont be able to see it until next week so can't say that I'm that excited about this at the moment - I heard that it was a great score though, despite what Kim Novak thought about it).
17:44 Extended advert for the latest Sherlock Holmes currently on. *tries to think of something to say about that* I quite liked it , how about you?
17:41 I think I've seen these adverts before #somebodyatE!willbegettingfiredoverthis
17:39 Homeland wins best TV drama. I haven't seen it, is it any good?
17:37 Kelsey Grammar wins for best TV actor. Meaning that I am one up on Juan in the predictions game. Not sure why a bit of his speech was bleeped out, does he have a terrible potty mouth?
17:36 Gervais isn't actually doing that much is he. Again this is a good thing.
Melissa McCarthy currently presenting an award, all I want to know is where was her nomination for Bridesmaids?
17:33 Hello! It's Mark again. Unfortunately Juan and I scheduled our hand over right in the middle of Jeremy Irons' spectacularly uncomfortable accompaniment of the head of the Hollywood Foreign Press.
17:25 Kate Winslet wins. She's not freaking out like the time in which she won for the Reader.
17:22 Downtown Abbey wins. My girlfriend is distracting me with her fake British accent, though it's kinda adorable. My momentary aww! moment.
17:19 Rob Lowe and Julianne Moore look like a pair of orange and white fruit. Really, how much of a tan does a man need?
17:14 Laura Dern wins! I'm 2 for 2. She looks ravishing. Mark, you need to watch this show!
17:10 Christopher Plummer wins Supporting Actor. Well-deserved, although he was kind of an old prick in that film. Who would want to enclose their sexual preference a secret until his wife dies - so unfair! Just sayin'.
17:09 Gerard Butler presents. He looks like he just came from an Amazonian excursion.
17:07 So, that's it! A painfully scripted opening by Gervais. Just like I predicted.
17:03 Hello everyone! Ricky Gervais starts the show with Eddie Murphy/Norbit jokes. And a "clever" remark about Jodie Foster's beaver. Its not getting any better.
16:59 The show's about to start. Time to hand you over to Juan for the next 30 minutes or so (I'll be on the noripcord twitter account in the meantime).
16:55 As I'll be handing you over to Juan in a few minutes, and as E! have somehow managed to fit in another ad break, now seems like a perfect time for some of my predictions about the ceremony itself.
Ricky Gervais will tell some off-colour jokes about an actress who's getting a bit long in the tooth, and he'll get away with it as he used to be fat/British.
Ricky Gervais will make some heavy handed comments about how he's an athiest now. This will in fact be merely a prelude to him having a David Icke moment and declaring the Hollywood establishment to be made up of space lizards in human suits. (Which might explain Meryl Streep's versatility/her rubbery make-up in The Iron Lady)
Morgan Freeman's lifetime achievement award will somehow be handed over to Pia Zadora instead.
The LA branch of Occupy will finally get their act together and crash the show.
Nothing that happens will be as entertaining as that gif of Brendan Fraser clapping from two years ago.
16:52 Claire Danes currently being interviewed and looking quite nice while doing so, that's all the fashion analysis you'll get from me I'm afraid.
Elle Macpherson has now turned up. Not sure why, although I suppose she has to keep herself busy somehow.
16:51 Less than ten minutes until the start of the show, this may well be the last of the many pre-show ad breaks. *Gets a bit teary eyed and sentimental*
16:48 E! are also using something they've decided to call a Glamcam360 to capture the dresses in Matrix-style bullet-time (apparently they're partying like it's 1999), which amazingly manages to make most of its subjects look even more dead-eyed and distant.
16:45 I could be using this time to discuss the pre-show red carpet coverage on E!, but as it's been 90% Ryan Seacrest interviewing the cast of Glee there's not really much to say about it. It's a mark of just how unexciting it is so far that Kelly Osbourne practically exploded with excitement over Brad Pitt opening the car door for his wife.
16:42 I should probably add the caveat that I haven't actually seen much of what's been nominated. Not even The Artist, thanks to it's rather perplexing distribution over here in the UK. Still, that won't get in the way of me having an opinion all the same.
16:39 Whereas my predictions are:
Best picture (drama): The Help
Actress (drama): Meryl Streep (although it might just be British-based bias that makes me think this - I have no idea if the American-based critics are as interested in Thatcher)
Actor (drama): George Clooney
Picture (comedy):The Artist
Actress (comedy): Michelle Williams (unless somebody realises that, despite her singing a song at the end of the film, My Week with Marilyn is neither musical, nor comedy)
Actor (comedy): Owen Wilson (I can see the double nomination splitting Ryan Gosling's vote)
Animated Film: Rango
Foreign Language: A Separation
Supporting Actress: Jessica Chastain (though it really should be for one of her many other films this year)
Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer
Director: Michel Hazanivcius
Screenplay: Woody Allen (as he hasn't won one since the 80s)
Original Score: Ludovic Bource
Original Song: I'm hoping that during the ceremony this category will be declared null and void, but it'll probably be The Living Proof.
TV Series:Boardwalk Empire
Actress in TV Drama: Claire Danes
Actor in a TV drama: Kelsey Grammar (not at all based on the show, which I haven't actually seen, but rather to mark his coming back from the TV cancellation wilderness)
Television series comedy:Modern Family
Actress in Tv comedy: Zooey Deschanel
Actor in Television comedy: Johnny Galecki
Miniseries: Downton Abbey
Actress in miniseries: Kate Winslet
Actor in miniseries: William Hurt
Actress in tv supporting role: Jessica Lange
Actor in tv supporting role: Eric Stonestreet
16:36 As there's currently yet another ad break on E!'s coverage, now would probably be a good time to post my and Juan's predictions for the night's winners.
Juan's selections are:
Best Motion Picture, Drama: The Descendants
Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy: The Artist
Best Director: Martin Scorsece
Best Actor, Drama: George Clooney
Best Actress, Drama: Viola Davis
Best Actor, Comedy or Musical: Jean Dujardin
Best Actress, Comedy: Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn
Best Supporting Actor, Drama: Christopher Plummer
Best Supporting Actress, Drama: Jessica Chastain, The Help
Best Animated Film: Rango
Best Screenplay: Woody Allen
Best Foreign Language Film: A Separation
Best Original Score: Howard Shore, Hugo
Best Original Song: The Living Proof, The Help
Best Television Series, Drama: Boardwalk Empire
Best Television Series, Musical: Modern Family
Best Actress, Television Drama: Claire Danes, Homeland
Best Actor, Television Drama: Bryan Canstron, Breaking Bad
Best Actor, TV Musical or Comedy: Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Best Actress, TV Musical or Comedy: Laura Dern, Enlightened
Best Miniseries or Motion Picture: Mildred Pierce
Best Actress, Mini Series or MP: Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
Best Actor, Mini Series or MP: Dominic West, The Hour
Best Supporting Actress, Mini Series or MP: Maggie Smith, Downtown Abbey
Best Supporting Actor, Mini Series or MP: Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
16:35 (00:35 UK Time) Evening all, Mark Davison, No Ripcord's Film and TV editor welcoming you to what promises to be an historic Golden Globes liveblog.
Not that I'm expecting the awards themselves to be anything more than an opulent waste of time (as they always are), but it's my first attempt at a liveblog (apologies in advance if I accidentally delete everything while trying to write this), and it's something of a transatlantic affair, with myself and Juan over in sunny, reasonably timed LA taking this in shifts. Hopefully it'll work.
Welcome to No Ripcord's live blog for the 63rd Golden Globes Awards Ceremony.
We'll start blogging 30 minutes prior to the event. STAY TUNED!
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